May 24, 2011: No response

Hola, All! Let me say first that this is not about bashing Ed, but about realizing something about myself. This morning when I asked Ed a question, I received no response. I tried to make a light joke of it but still got nothing from him. This is not really anything unusual since I have had this same reaction so many times in our 30 year marriage. Most of the time I try to ignore the hurt feelings that I choose to have. But I am learning that when I do that, those feelings don't just vanish into thin air; they 'hide' somewhere inside of me, only to resurface later. So, there I was, sitting on a bench, putting on my shoes, letting my hurt feelings, that I created, surface. I sat there for a few minutes, acknowledging my feelings, letting them surface, loving them as something that I created, and letting them go, all the while saying nothing. I thought about saying something but knew that it was better to wait until I return to my happy self; the opportune time will present itself at a later date. I think that most of my experiences, good or bad, are a lesson in something and it's to my advantage to figure it out. And, then it hit me........what I was seeing in Ed was a reflection of the millions of times that I have ignored myself. How many times have I told people that whenever we don't learn a lesson about something that the same lesson will continue to crop up until we finally get it? An example of this is the lady who marries someone who abuses her verbally; she divorces him only to date the same kind of man, with a different look and a different body, but nonetheless, a 'reincarnation' of her first husband. Why does this happen? Because she failed to learn the life lesson that first she has to stop verbally abusing herself, whether she's doing it outloud or inside her head. When she stops abusing herself, and starts loving herself, then she will be attracted to a much kinder man. 'Birds of a feather flock together' is so true. As for me, one of my lessons is to let my old hidden, squashed feelings of being ignored arise as the opportunity presents itself, whether it stems from me ignoring others, or me igoring myself. At the time I told myself that I did it to keep the peace, but the truth of the matter is, I did it because I didn't value myself or my own opinion. Also, I am left wondering what the Universe is trying to tell me through Ed, but I'm not listening and/or I'm not getting it. Or, is this all about the way Ed feels about himself? That could be part of the message but I think there's more to it than that. Now that I've paid attention to something that is going on around me and inside of me, I'll leave it up to my angels and the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me figure it out. It's really amazing what other people can show us about ourselves if we just pay attention, isn't it?
Respect and love yourself,
Dawnie