May 24, 2011: No response

Hola, All! Let me say first that this is not about bashing Ed, but about realizing something about myself. This morning when I asked Ed a question, I received no response. I tried to make a light joke of it but still got nothing from him. This is not really anything unusual since I have had this same reaction so many times in our 30 year marriage. Most of the time I try to ignore the hurt feelings that I choose to have. But I am learning that when I do that, those feelings don't just vanish into thin air; they 'hide' somewhere inside of me, only to resurface later. So, there I was, sitting on a bench, putting on my shoes, letting my hurt feelings, that I created, surface. I sat there for a few minutes, acknowledging my feelings, letting them surface, loving them as something that I created, and letting them go, all the while saying nothing. I thought about saying something but knew that it was better to wait until I return to my happy self; the opportune time will present itself at a later date. I think that most of my experiences, good or bad, are a lesson in something and it's to my advantage to figure it out. And, then it hit me........what I was seeing in Ed was a reflection of the millions of times that I have ignored myself. How many times have I told people that whenever we don't learn a lesson about something that the same lesson will continue to crop up until we finally get it? An example of this is the lady who marries someone who abuses her verbally; she divorces him only to date the same kind of man, with a different look and a different body, but nonetheless, a 'reincarnation' of her first husband. Why does this happen? Because she failed to learn the life lesson that first she has to stop verbally abusing herself, whether she's doing it outloud or inside her head. When she stops abusing herself, and starts loving herself, then she will be attracted to a much kinder man. 'Birds of a feather flock together' is so true. As for me, one of my lessons is to let my old hidden, squashed feelings of being ignored arise as the opportunity presents itself, whether it stems from me ignoring others, or me igoring myself. At the time I told myself that I did it to keep the peace, but the truth of the matter is, I did it because I didn't value myself or my own opinion. Also, I am left wondering what the Universe is trying to tell me through Ed, but I'm not listening and/or I'm not getting it. Or, is this all about the way Ed feels about himself? That could be part of the message but I think there's more to it than that. Now that I've paid attention to something that is going on around me and inside of me, I'll leave it up to my angels and the Holy Spirit to guide me and help me figure it out. It's really amazing what other people can show us about ourselves if we just pay attention, isn't it?
Respect and love yourself,
Dawnie

May 21, 2011: EFT

Hola, All! Yesterday I was talking to my friend, Edna, about how we enjoy what we are doing in our lives, but really want to learn more about what we feel God is revealing to us. Most of my life, I haven't had a deep passion for anything outside of my kids. I prided myself on being the middle of the road kind of person, not too far to the left and not too far to the right. I enjoyed doing alot of things like reading, playing racquetball, etc, but nothing really put me over the edge. I watched my husband Ed as he would become interested in something, jump in with both feet, learn all he could about it, go full steam ahead, but I never really understood that kind of passion. The older I get the more I want to experience that kind of all consuming passion, where I am filled with such joy that I want to burst out singing at the top of my lungs! I want to know that what I am doing matters, that I am helping people live better lives, that I am fulfilling my life's work. Only, it won't feel like work, it'll feel like play. That's the 'pie in the sky' that I am looking for. And, I know that it's just around the corner!
Recently I have become interested in EFT, Emotional Freedom Therapy. This is a process whereby a person can learn how to release things like anxiety, fear, pain, excess weight, without the use of any drugs. The basic process is easy to learn and can be done anytime one starts to feel anything that upsets one's peacefulness. It also can be taught to children. This would be especially helpful to those children who have excess energy, who have been labeled as ADD, or ADHD, whose parents didn't know what else to do except put them on medication.
In June I am going to Guatemala for a mission trip, but I am leaving a few days early to attend a holistic center where EFT is taught. Of course, EFT is taught in the US but since I was going to be in Guatemala anyway, I figured I would learn something while I was there. When I return I plan to teach this process to as many people as are open to learning it, with the objective of eventually starting a business. I think that this is right up my alley; wish me luck!
Follow your passions!
Dawnie

May 14, 2011: Present Moment Awareness

Hola, All! Recently I read something in "The Way of Mastery" that has stuck in my head. It was talking about 'being in the moment'. Books have been written about this subject, but I never took the time to attempt to practice it, until now. What does present moment awareness mean? It means keeping my mind on what I am doing and not letting it wander off, not letting it go on auto-pilot, not thinking about what I'm going to do next. For instance, let's say that you are washing the dishes; how long is it before your mind is no longer thinking about the dishes? Maybe 10 seconds; could be a little longer but I doubt it! Many people bragg about having the ability to do 2-3 things at once, to multi-task. But, what are we really doing to ourselves when we do this, what's the downside? For me, my ability to focus on anything has decreased dramatically. On top of that, my listening skills have taken a dive. Unless I'm really, really interested in what someone is saying, my mind can 'leave the building' so quickly that I don't even recognize it .............until they ask me a question. Yikes, caught in the act of daydreaming!! It dawns on me that, perhaps, multi-tasking can be a forerunner to severe memory problems in later life (which isn't that far away anymore!) After years of constantly allowing one's mind to practice fracturing, it's no wonder that people have such a hard time remembering anything. But, all is not lost, as there is something that we can start doing today, and that is to practice present moment awareness. Here is my suggestion: pretend that you are watching someone else and recording everything they do, except that you are really paying extreme attention to your actions. It is helpful to not only think about what you are doing, but also to voice your actions outloud. And, try to make it fun! For instance: when washing dishes, think/say "I am turning on the faucet, squirting Dawn in the water, filling up the sink to wash the dishes. Oh, look, my hands are putting on gloves. How interesting, now they are placing two plates, three cups, and 2 forks in the water. My right hand is picking up the blue sponge and washing a plate, rinsing off the suds and putting it on the drainer. Let's do that again!.............Well, you get the picture. Keeping your mind on what you're doing may very well help you to keep your sanity as you age. "The Way of Master" says to practice this for 10 minutes every hour, which can be extreme for most of us just starting out. The most important thing is just start practicing, then increase the time as you go along. I've already done 10 minutes today, how about you?
Be aware!

Dawnie

May 3, 2011: Take Care of Yourself First

Hola, All! Putting oneself first only makes sense! If you don't take care of yourself, then who is going to? As a mom I didn't always feel this way, but the reality is that the only person responsible for me.........is me! The following story is an example of how I put myself first; I think you'll understand.
During the months that my sisters and I cleaned out and remodeling our mom's house, something wonderful happened! We developed stronger bonds with each other, and wanted to continue hanging out with each other. We planned a girls' sleep-over at Carol's house in Nolanville, which happened last weekend. I was looking forward to spending time with everyone, when on Thursday, I started feeling a little 'off', and my left temple had a tinge of pain. This was a clear sign that a migrain could be headed my way. Then on Friday I found myself running to the bathroom throughout the day, if you know what I mean. I wasn't sure what was causing this turn of events, so I tried to ignore them, hoping they would go away. But on Saturday, I was feeling better even though I still had a slight headache. I drove to Carol's house enjoying the drive, where Jeanne and Lynne showed up also. Carol, and hubby Stan, live on the edge of Nolanville on several acres. We took a short walk around their property, sat on her front porch shooting the breeze, and played the card game "Hand and Foot". Later we made dinner and played "Apples to Apples" with my neices, Diana and Melissa. We laughed, played Neil Diamond cd's, and enjoyed each others' company. Before we knew it, it was midnight! Lynne said that she would sleep by herself since she snores...........Jeanne and I were just fine with that arrangement! At 3am when I felt Jeanne get out of bed for the 3rd time, I asked her what was wrong; for some reason her feet kept cramping. In the morning Lynne told me that she didn't sleep well either; I wondered what was going on. Seems as though none of us slept well. I finally asked myself what my headache was all about.....it was about my mother. You see, recently we had to put her in a locked memory unit 20 minutes from Carol's house, and she is not happy about it. I think we all knew how close in proximity we were to her and yet none of us wanted to think about it. Repressed feelings will always show up, one way or another. For me, I realized that thinking of mom brought up memories of my dad, who lived in a VA hospital for over 3 years before he passed on. Everytime we would visit, he would ask, sometimes beg us to take him home; and now we are dealing with the same situation with our mom. She always feared living like this, and now she is living her fear. As I left Carol's house to drive home, I thought about going to see mom. I thought about how I'd had a slight headache for 4 days, and how little sleep I had gotten Saturday night. I just didn't think I had the emotional stamina to deal with the situation, knowing that if I visited her, the chances of me getting a migrain would increase dramatically, so I just kept on driving. About 30 miles later, my headache went away and I felt the tensionfade away. Right then I knew that I had done the right thing; I had put myself , my health, first. My first responsibility is to take care of me in the best way that I know how, and that's what I did. Putting yourself first is not taking anything away from anyone else; it is accepting the responsibilty that you are in charge of your own health.
Take care of yourself first,
Dawnie